Out of the Blue

He rubbed my feet. I'd been on them for the last ten hours, in heeled sandals. I'm sure they were less than desireable by that time. Dry. Sensitive. But, he was undeterred. He wanted to do something kind to serve me.

Exhausted from the days events, including meetings upon meetings and student crises, I had ordered out. When I got home, I didn't bother to cook or clean up or even change my clothes for him. With my ID badge still on, I kicked off the sandals, plopped down on my big, red cushioned chair, tucked my legs up under me, and wolfed down yet another late dinner. The life of a youth program manager. Afterward, we talked long and hard about the last year or so that's passed since we've seen one another. Revelations. Friends and family passing. The invariable twists and turns of life's lessons along the journey self-discovery.

I noticed some changes in his appearance. The first and most staggering was that he'd shaved off his locks. It kind of made his bald head look small against his large frame. Although, he had leaned out, similar to the way Dwayne Johnson did between his "Rock" days and today. Before, he was all big and bulky, looking like a black hulk. He does manage a gym. His look, today, suited him more. A slightly leaner-yet-stll-muscular version. More...approachable. Same milk chocolate complexion and the same, sexy million-dollar smile.

He asked, "What type of men are you used to dating?" The question took me aback because I don't remember the last time I'd answered it. Rather than go on and on about dating guys who had something or someone they always put before me, I simply said, "Selfish." I figured it pretty well summed up all the men who'd taken my power from me--by lying, misleading and generally not considering me...at all. The men who'd harmed me or cheated. The men with substance issues or any other form of addiction that got in the way of us building something meaningful and committed. Selfish. That was it.

He asked, "What are you doing tomorrow night?" Embarrassed yet matter-of-factly, I replied, "Lately, my Fridays consist of doing laundry, drinking wine and watching Dateline. Honestly, I think I just need the cat to complete the cliche." He laughed. I said, "So to answer your question, a whole bunch of nothing. Sadly, I don't even really mind." With his lotion-filled hands firmly rubbing up and down my feet and calves, he replied, "Well, I would love to cook you dinner and then take you out for drinks...maybe shoot some pool if you'll let me teach you how. That is, if it's alright with you." "We can do that," I smiled.

He led the way as we walked toward the front door of my building. He stopped to turn around and say goodbye, offering me a giant, warm bear hug, lasting about 30 seconds. After, he lifted his index finger under my chin, tilting my head up, and leaned in--giving me the sweetest, most simple kiss. "I'll see you, tomorrow, baby girl."

Suffocating

Pardon the interruption.

Had a wonderful and enlightening time in FL. I learned something about myself. And, I didn't want to return to MA. I actually contemplated just scoring a waitressing gig while there and flipping the giant bird finger to the north. But, I'm too responsible for that. Despite the glorious weather, yesterday and today, I still don't want to be here. When I moved back to Boston from VA, I said I'd be in FL in 5 years. It's now 3 years in, and I haven't made a step. It's time to do it. I can't just up and leave. I have responsibilities. I have to pay down some debt and save some more money. But, it's time to make a better effort at getting things in motion.

On Vacation

In FL, visiting mom dukes. Will be back...maybe.



(That's from the trip to Longboat Key. Will have more on FB soon.)

Worktime Whirlwind

I have to say: I had 76 (yes, 76) students apply for my summer jobs program, this year! This week, all week, are the interviews for those candidates. I have 33 down, 43 to go. Of those, I'll be able to hire about 40 (in addition to the students I currently have and college returns, who will carry through the summer). About 60, total. I had 55, last year. I'm really excited, and consider myself blessed, to be able to grow my program despite the economic crunch every organization is facing, today. Not that 5 more kids is a huge dent. But, I had more kids apply this year. The fact that word is spreading about the program-- makes me happy. AND, thanks to that grant I got a while back, we'll be able to make significant contributions to the college educations of our graduating seniors! Not to mention, make donations to the high schools we work with, who will also identify graduates to whom they will award scholarships.

One of my kids approached me the other day. She's off to see her brother's graduation from boot camp. He's the first in her family to join the armed services, so she and her parents/siblings aren't sure what to expect. She knows I come from a military family. So, she asked some questions about what it will be like, now and after, and asked for some advice on what to bring with her (for him) and how she can be supportive. I was touched she came to me and consider myself blessed to be able to help her out. It's just one of those things that you don't know unless you've "been there".

A resurrected friend leaves for Iraq in October...for a year. SSgt (now "Gunny", actually!) just came back from a year over there, too. He'll be up next weekend to hang out with some of his Corps buddies, and me. I just hope he's ok. This was his third tour over there.

This post had me thinking about my sis and her service. I did a Y.out.ub.e search for her detachment. This is her ACTUAL detachment! This was back in 2006 when her team went to KY for training before their 2nd deployment to Iraq (from which she was able to return early, thank GOD, because of her separation schedule).

A Change of Pace

This weekend was spectacular. The weather could not have been any better. Sunny and 80s, just how I like it. I had all the windows open the entire weekend. Friday was low-key. Had some good company to enjoy the weather and some summer fare (serious lobster rolls) from K.elly's, along with summer libations (K.etel O.one & cran w/ extra lime). It was a great night.

Saturday, the usual morning gym routine. I also did a little shopping for me me me me! Picked up some sandals and a handbag to go with the summer dress I'd later wear to dinner w/ the girls at R.uth's Ch.ris, downtown. I was feeling extra fly. And, I guess it showed. As I was outside my apartment, waiting for a taxi to take me to dinner, some random Euro stopped and asked if he could take me where I needed to go. I smiled and politely declined, with thanks. Then he asked if he could get my number. Had I been more attracted, I might have said yes. But, again, I declined politely. At least he was nice enough to wish me a good day (rather than the a$$holes who take it personally and begin insulting you after you turn them down, UGH!). Dinner was fabulous. I was supposed to go see Big Red afterward (he lives around the corner from the restaurant), because he'd had surgery on his achilles (getting the staples out, tomorrow). But, he wasn't around. I looked too good to go home, but I did, knowing I needed the sleep. Shoulda given the Euro my number. lol Psych!




Friday evening, coupled with the food of Saturday evening, and the weather all-around, made this weekend ridiculously great! Sunday, I slept in, relaxed, went for a walk, did some food shopping and just enjoyed the breeze through my apartment with all the windows open. Caught up on the final episodes of Season 1 of B.ig L.ove, courtesy of N.etflix. I made the round of birthday phone calls (I know FOUR people whose birthdays are 4/26). And, I hooked up a nice little dinner of Tilapia, rissoto and veggies, of course with my summer beverage of choice. ;-)

My girl, Greedy Monster, and I agreed we'll be spending our summer Sundays at the beach, this year. Last summer I think we only made it once. That is a sin!

Exhausted

Some random tidbits.

Via Text
Me to Bougie: Girl, I think I just need a cat to complete the cliche. I just ate pie crust for dessert. I had no sweets in the house. So I ate pie crust.

Bougie to Me: HAHAHA! Girl, it's not that bad! You are too funny. But seriously, that's not a big deal.

Me to Bougie: I. ATE. F*CKING. PIE. CRUST!!! I'm so doomed to be the cat lady.

Bougie to Me: Girl! Don't feel bad! I just poured wine into a water bottle so I could drink while taking the dog for a walk! Man, we're pathetic!

FYI
Passive aggressive is not a good look, fellas. It makes you look like a p*ssy. Just say what you want to say. Don't go phishing for reactions by instigating with vague comments. It's childish and will not win you points.

Saturday
I got played. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me. Man, I am so tired of being the one to bend to meet certain folks on their terms. To be the one to go out of my way, every damn time, just to see people who only consider me some kind of afterthought. I must be insane. Again, I take full responsibility. It's time to clean house. A big, giant FUCK OFF!!! to selfish a$$holes.

That did, however, give me the chance to hang out with one of my girls from high school who happened to be in town, last minute. I went back to my hometown to hang with her at a townie bar and the band ROCKED!!!

Sunday
One of my dear friends made a lovely dinner. It was so nice to chill outside in nice weather, have a great dinner and share a bottle of wine. The three of us ended up watching an episode of "F.or the l.ove of R.ay J". None of us had seen the show (nor any real desire to do so), before. However, we know people who love it. That crap is a hot a$$ mess. NEVER AGAIN!!!

Monday
I took the day off. Got to see my nieces. I hadn't the chance to spend quality time with them in forever. So, I took the day off to have special time with my ladies. B and I introduced the girls to the world of El Oriental (Cuban diner). The food was fantastic as always. The girls behaved REALLY well. I had an awesome time hanging out with them. That is, until, the giant clusterf*ck that is Marathon Monday in Boston (on top of it being a Sox home game AND a C's playoff home game) rained on our parade, or was it just her husband? Let me just say that I was PMS'ing. B was PMS'ing. AND, I f*cking hate drama. I especially hate drama when it surrounds me and I have nothing to do with it, and I can't esacape it. I don't know if it stems from growing up with two parents who fought like cats and dogs all the time or what. But, I SERIOUSLY hate it. And, I don't particularly care for when people ask me for help and they don't listen to me anyway. We already know I f*cking hate traffic. So, why would I like traffic any more than normal when all I have to listen to is people b*tch at each other? Especially when it has nothing to do with me?!?! If I say turn left, and you turn right...and I say pull over here and you keep driving...WTF?!?! Don't ask me! B's hubby ran the marathon. B was somehow expected to get herself, her two girls (under the age of 3) and the giant monstrosity of f*cking ridiculousness known as her car into the city to pick up her jerk of a husband who wouldn't walk the two f*cking blocks to the parking garage where we were finally able to find a spot. She's not from the city. She doesn't drive in the city. (Why she even let herself get into that mess is beyond me.) Yeah, you just ran a marathon. I get it. But, so did everyone else who's walking to the parking garage. They fought on the phone back and forth about him not wanting to walk and us not being able go get the tanker of a Y.ukon down the BPD-barricaded-streets neighboring the damn race route. They hang up. He calls back. She says, "You talk to him." So, I pick up the phone trying to be nice. This muhf*cka has the nerve to start talking out the side of his neck TO ME!!!! So, I let him know that I am not his wife so he need not talk to me like that and and frankly, I'm f*cking tired of the two of them going back and forth while I could be on my merry gotdamn way home. Finally, she pulls over (where I'd told her to pull off over an hour beforehand) and tells her husband to come to the car (which is what she should have done from the very beginning). Her husband, father-in-law and some other guy finally come to the car. I get out and just start walking. I don't even say goodbye. I was fuming. Better to not say anything at all in the heat of the moment like that. I just walked away. The girls were asleep. There wasn't enough room in the car to get me home, so I planned to take the T. I was originally hoping to be home by 5 so I could catch my breath and go to kickboxing at 6:30. But nope, all that bullsh*t lasted so long, and finally ended, of course, during rush hour on the day of the Boston Marathon, a Sox home game and a Celtics playoff home game. I didn't get to my house until after 6:30. So, I couldn't make kickboxing when I could have really used it after all that mess. SO HEATED!!!!! Honestly, I wish I had a f*cking punching bag in my house. I was so angry. I love B with all my heart. I love my nieces. I hate that her husband is a d*ck. But, she engaged in that bull, too. Seriously, all that mess could have been avoided had she just put her foot down and said, "Look, this is where my car is. Get here or don't. I'm leaving in 30 minutes," without driving all over God's creation and the back and forth on the phone. I seriously don't get it. I may be the single one with no kids, living in an apartment and eating pie crust for dessert. But, f*ck all that madness. Seriously. You couldn't pay me enough.

In General
I am f*cking exhausted. I need to get away. I need to sleep. And I really, REALLY don't want to talk to anyone, at all, for a while, especially since it feels like, lately, most people only call to complain/vent or ask for advice. This is, of course, in large part due to my enabling mofos. But, seriously, when do I get a phone call or text that asks how I'M doing, or just to make me smile some morning? I'm going to have to do the withdrawl thing again. I've been bending so much I feel like I'm going to break. I also feel like I spend so much time catering to the needy folks that I don't give enough attention to the people who actually DO just hit me up to ask about me, or to put a smile on my face. I really need to clean house. I take responsibility for it. So, it's on me.

Making it do what it do.

So Tuesday morning was the first day I woke up, after a night of kickboxing, that my body didn't feel completely beat to hell. I slept great and woke up feeling great. I lasted through class w/o stopping and was even able to up my intensity level a bit and stay in control. Wednesday morning, again, I woke up refreshed and well, after a night of mega-choreographed step aerobics. I was also able to up the intensity there, a bit, too, modifying my moves to be more advanced and on par with the instructor. I know this means I'm at a point where I'll need to switch it up in order to see results. But, I just want to enjoy for a time the fact that I've actually mastered something. People never expect to see my rotund self doing as well as I do for the hour and change that is cardio hell. And I love it.

There's one girl that's been coming to class, lately. She's clueless (as in lacks any sort of coordination). She's gorgeous. And, she wears things slightly inappropriate for the gym. Instead of hating on her like the rest of the women in class, I've made it my business to be cordial and friendly and encouraging. Like Bruno from DWTS to K.im K.ardashian, "You have more wasted assets than Fannie Mae." It's true. Gorgeous. Bangin body. And, absolutely no f*cking clue. BUT, she's nice. And I think a lot of people hate on her just cuz she's beautiful and she wears stuff that the rest of us wouldn't.

Let's switch focus here, for a second. WHAT THE FUCK is up with ladies getting naked in the gym locker room? Really? Topless or bra/panties is one thing, ex. when switching from work clothes to workout clothes. But, it's not like G.old's is known for its amenities. It's a real gym. Nasty and sweaty. (And, I'm repeating myself if any of you are on my FB page). But, I wouldn't want to let my bare foot touch anything up in that piece. Nevermind the vitals. And, seriously. . I do not need to be traumatized by swamp donkey forestry at any time of day! If you choose to sport the birthday suit, at least have the decency to do some landscaping first!!! zdvh ihjcvi;uahdfakl;sjfpiqweu That's me throwing up. I've spoken on this before. I don't know why it keeps happening.

And, for the love of God, wipe equipment down after you use it. We all sweat and from all parts of the body (if we're working out correctly). I do not need to encounter your nut sweat drippings on the a$$ portion of the leg press, abductor or adductor, or any other machine where you sit. It's f*cking gross. Clean up after yourself.

Just my $.02.